Confession

So here's my confession.

Oliver reacts to everything I eat through breastmilk. I've been on one elimination diet after another for most of his life, and I've been on "2 food" TED diets for the last two and a half months.  We have just recently flirted with a healthy baseline for two weeks by eating only zucchini and quinoa.  He's failed every animal protein we've tried along with a dozen (or two) other foods. Tomorrow, I anticipate, will reveal that he has also failed salmon.  I ate my (probably) last meal of salmon (and any decent protein) tonight while I cried.

This has been so much harder than it ever was with Penny and most certainly one of the most difficult things I have been through as a parent and a person.  I haven't told but a handful of people bc I literally do not have the energy or emotional fortitude to explain and defend my choices to other people. And because I feel very emotionally fragile to the responses and comments (or lack thereof).  But I'm kind of drowning. And I just wanted to come clean on why I'm not really in this space much or capable of being present in a lot of ways.

I know this too shall pass.  But right now it is a thick slurry of molasses that I cannot move nor think through. Or eat, for that matter.