Surgery

It went well. Oliver was very brave and unexpectedly cooperative at times. In retrospect that might be because we didn't lidocaine up and maybe he didn't think there was an immediate threat. When he realized we were doing the shot without it, he started freaking out and I regret not preparing him better. 

 He got really upset about the shot but he noodled when it was time and then sobbed in my arms over how painful it was and how he wanted to leave because it was already too much pain for one day. And then he went into a ketamine drooling stupor that will probably fuel my nightmares until the end of time. 

 My fragile heart is full of sadness and anxiety and everything over the ordeal he's been through but it is done. 

 We rested in bed together and I allowed myself to ca re for nothing but keeping him safe and saving from his own impulses etc. I think I did a good job, Everything in my body cringes when Richard tries to tell me that, but I think I was there for him in every possible way I could have been. 

And it's obvious to me that he would be so much more balanced and happy if I could just be there to support and love on him every second of the day. Which is hard to sit with. Sorry for the novel. He's doing good. I'll rest someday and do better than I am lol

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