Quarantine Journals - Saturdays are hard
Oliver almost instantly realized that Richard was planning to leave the house, and went into panic mode. Climbing into his lap on every opportunity, and asking him to please not leave because he would miss him so much. I offered that perhaps we could all go outside for a little bit thinking that might take the strain off of Richard's departure, but what I didn't realize at the time was that it had been raining. And was still sprinkling somewhat. On a regular day, this wouldn't necessarily be an issue.But I don't have the physical stamina to be bending down and cleaning them and dragging him inside if he doesn't want to come. I don't have the energy to take them on long walks, or handle any kind of physical activity, so going outside when it was messy seemed like a recipe for disaster. So, I tried to pivot to an indoor activity, but it was nothing but struggle for quite some time.
We were able to distract him with food; he seems to always be eating and always be hungry these days. I'm not sure if it's partially because he's nursing less at night, well and during the day too, Or if it's just a growth spurt. But, after our meal, we resumed the meltdown of him realizing that Richard laughed, and he totally freezing up and unable to think of a new activity that we could all do together that didn't require some kind of physical exertion on my part. Finally, Oliver mentioned something about Drawings, and Penny seemed excited so we went back to art time. I suggested that perhaps it would be fine for Penny to get out one of her other art supplies, and that way she could be engaged and using a new material and perhaps they would both have a little bit more fun. I'm trying really hard to think of lots of different ways to add variety into our daily activities so that it doesn't feel like we're trapped at home, but it certainly is a struggle when we can't get outside. Or when it's just me, since my physical activity is still so limited due to pneumonia.
We decided to experiment with pennies jail crayons, coloring with them, blending them with our fingers, and using water to create watercolors with them. Both the kids love them. Oliver especially enjoyed coloring on his hands, and I think went through half of a gel crayon just on one palm. I also joined in with the fun new medium, and made a silly little drawing myself. The kids were entertained for over an hour, at which point Oliver asked for milk and we headed off to a nap. I have decided to go ahead and wean him from nursing throughout our naps as well, which has been, admittedly, I struggle. We had good luck with our last nap, but today was another nap We decided to experiment with pennies gel crayons, coloring with them, blending them with our fingers, and using water to create watercolors with them. Both the kids loved them. Oliver especially enjoyed coloring on his hands, and I think went through half of a gel crayon just on one palm. I also joined in with the fun new medium, and made a silly little drawing myself. The kids were entertained for over an hour, at which point Oliver asked for milk and we headed off to a nap. I have decided to go ahead and wean him for nursing throughout our naps as well, which has been, admittedly, I struggle. We had good luck with our last nap, but today was another nap battle. He was in a decent mood about it, not hysterical like other days, but it took me well over an hour and a half of him crying or being mad or just asking to get up before he finally crashed. He took a decent nap, and by then Richard was home. We all had a snack and then went out for my first post pneumonia walk.
As always, we walked further than I ever anticipated, but I was able to keep up which was encouraging. I've noticed that every step in my shoes and on the concrete sidewalk is infinitely more painful than it is in the house on the carpet or even the hardwood. It was amazing to me how each touch of my heel led to me feeling every single pane point in my ribs. But the kids were so happy and the weather was so pretty that it was easy to keep my mind distracted. A big fun surprise was when we heard someone call out "Penny!" Bennys teacher, Ms Oswald, happen to be enjoying a leisurely drive when she saw us out on the sidewalk. Penny had brought chalk with her and was leaving encouraging and kind messages on the sidewalk as we made our way through the neighborhood. She was so very excited to see Miss Oswald that I don't think she actually uttered a word outside of all of her pooping and jumping and squealing. Oliver was also excited and didn't manage to say hello until after they drove off, so he spent most of the walk trying to find her house to tell her hello.
I felt very paranoid, to be honest. This was one of my only times outside of the house, and with the good weather it seems like all of our neighbors were out. I did not want to even risk crossing someone's path on the sidewalk, which Richard categorized under hysterical, but I'm doing the best I can to not add coronavirus on top of pneumonia. So, at one point when we saw a woman jogging our direction, I broke everything in my body to scoop Oliver up and move into the street, but there was a truck coming so I couldn't cross all the way. Penny, however, was it absorbed in her artwork and did not see the woman coming. I felt very paranoid, to be honest. This was one of my only times outside of the house, and with the good weather it seems like all of our neighbors were out. I did not want to even risk crossing someone's path on the sidewalk, which Richard categorized under hysterical, but I'm doing the best I can to not add coronavirus on top of pneumonia. So, at one point when we saw a woman jogging our direction, I broke everything in my body to scoop Oliver up and move into the street, but there was a truck coming so I couldn't cross all the way. Penny, however, was it absorbed in her artwork and did not see the woman coming. I feel like the woman had several pass she could've taken it wasn't directly next to my child, but she ran literally right next to Penny, sniffling on her way by, and sending me into an anxiety attack. Hopefully this is not close enough for exposure, but it was about 20 feet too close for my comfort. I found it difficult to enjoy the rest of the walk for quite some time, feeling like the Secret Service constantly keeping an eye out for who might be coming by and not practicing good social distancing by going to the other side of the street. Luckily, we found a nice vacant street for the kids to draw on the sidewalk, do hopscotch, and play without running into too many people. We waved hello to some people in their yards and that is fine and makes me happy. But I don't want I feel like the woman had several past you could've taken that wasn't directly next to my child, but she ran literally right next to Penny, sniffling on her way by, and sending me into an anxiety attack. Hopefully this is not close enough for exposure, but it was about 20 feet too close for my comfort. I found it difficult to enjoy the rest of the walk for quite some time, feeling like the Secret Service constantly keeping an eye out for who might be coming by and not practicing good social distancing by going to the other side of the street. Luckily, we found a nice vacant street for the kids to draw on the sidewalk, do you hopscotch, and play without running into too many people. We waved hello to some people in their yards and that is fine and makes me happy. But I don't want to share any kind of close quarters with anyone, period.
Once our walk was finished, we returned home. One thing I forgot to mention earlier, was that our neighbors across the street seem to be having a party. There were several children that were not their own in the front yard all plane, when our other neighbor came out with her three children and joined in. I noticed the adults were still standing 3 to 6 feet away from each other, but the children were hugging, crawling all over each other and Sharing toys. They spent over an hour playing in the front yard rolling all over each other, the parents staying again their distance, but then coming close to encourage the kids to share toys and play with the other children. I couldn't look away, but the inside of my brain was just screaming. I don't understand how people are taking this thing seriously, or how an adult thinks standing 3 to 6 feet away from a person will be effective in anyway when your children have literally been sharing it's not covered hands and breathing on each other. It was easy to see an additional four adults inside the house with another horde of children running around in there, so there was no mistaking whatever kind of social gathering they were having. I cannot begin to express how frustrating this is to me.
when we came inside we were just in discussing the fact that a neighbor down the street had ran into some of our other neighbors who were riding their bikes, and the biking neighbors have gotten off of their bikes and come over to talk to the other neighbor. They were all standing next to each other, and the other neighbor invited them to come in for some water, so I'm not sure that there's any kind of actual effective social distancing happening and half the houses on our street. Penny heard me say that the lady had invited them in for water, and responded "some people think that this is all fun and just a vacation time. They're not thinking about the fact that things are dangerous, and we're staying at home to protect us from coronavirus.". Only further solidifying the fact that social distancing is really not a difficult concept to grasp at all. People are just greedy and ignorant and oblivious and… I mean the list goes on and it's just incredibly frustrating to think about.
I believe the United States reached over 200,000 cases at this point today. Me and the really aren't any words to express my discuss for the entire situation. Bernie has been raising all of this money, donating it to charities who are helping people who need help during this time because of coronavirus, as well as passing bills and being very active in action against millionaires who aren't paying their employees or offering them sickleave. Meanwhile, our president is doing whatever he can to play the stock market, encouraging people to get back to their lives mid April, and at the same time trying to barter with China to revise the account to me. He doesn't care. Half of them don't care. And it's disgusting to know that literally 50% of the population doesn't give a shit whether you Live or die because they can explain it away in their heads that you were too old or you had pre-existing medical conditions or there was something going on in your life that would've eventually led to this ending anyways.
Outside of all of the stress and anxiety, being unable to sleep, and processing the sadness of seeing my children struggle with not being able to get out of the house, see their friends, and enjoy the activities that we once did on the weekends, there has been a lot of really positive and loving moments coming out of the situation. I absolutely adore having Penny here on a day-to-day basis, and distance-learning is by far easier to accommodate and enjoy then public school has ever been. Oliver absolutely loves having Penny and Richard here more, and I share his glee. Despite all the stress, we've had some really wonderful moments together as a family, and I feel very bonded and connected.
And a sidenote, I've ended up firing Kevin from my website and putting it in the hands of someone else, so I've also release the stress of feeling like I have to finish and carry the development of my website all by myself. I've done very little work because a lot of my time and energy has been sunk into her schooling in my family and groceries and preparing and taking care of things and just being sick. But I feel confident that as I start to feel better I'll have more energy to do things. Like, for example, I had enough energy to voice to text this entire post while pacing back-and-forth in the kitchen, which I assume qualifies as my second walk today. So, that feels like progress on the pneumonia front as well.
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