Quarantine Journals - Butterflies

Well, I guess baby fish weren't enough because this morning I woke up to… Butterflies! The pictures aren't great because I don't wanna scare them while they're drying out their wings. Because I already did. Oops. So I won't do it again.  I think it's so cool how you can see the butterflies pattern through the chrysalis skin before the emerge.  We watched them emerge all day, but didn't actually catch any of them coming out of the chrysalis. There's one chrysalis still hanging, but it's getting very dark, and I'm wondering if it's going to come out at this point. And of course the murder worm is still in his chrysalis because he's a week behind everybody else.

Penny: What's do you think it's like to be born one thing and really like it and then have to make an egg and become something else? Maybe you didn't want to. Maybe you like being a caterpillar and you are afraid of heights.

—-

Me: This guy's wings don't look like they are all the way unfolded, so I don't understand how he flew up to the top.

Penny: Maybe confidence made it possible.

—

Our aero garden is doing really great. We have some baby tomato plants, baby pepper plants, a whole array of herbs, and the lettuce is growing great.

Oliver: (points) Look at all those butterflies!

Penny: Those aren't butterflies! Those are food. We are growing food. It's going to grow tomatoes.

Oliver: WHAT?!?!?

—

I woke up this morning to a disappointing email from my web developer, and it is definitely tainted the day. I've been pretty down in the dumps about it, and it took me several reads to digest all the information and work through the emotions I was feeling with some of the things they were saying. I finally got a chance to ride them back during Oliver's nap, around playing board games and video games with Penny. But the sadness just continue to grow until I broke down in tears right before dinner. Richard hugged me, and Penny hugged me, and Oliver started quietly sobbing "but I want shrimp."

—

My moms group of friends created a group on an app called Marco Polo a few days ago, and I joined yesterday. It's actually been really neat. It's like a video chat to walkie-talkie. You can leave video messages in the group, and then whoever wants to can either reply within your video message, or leave a new message. So we have a long chain of messages going back-and-forth and everybody's just chatting, but it's a lot easier to do than sit down and write a post half the time, and it's just been really nice to see everybody's faces. So tonight when I was sad, I got on there and left a video message talking about the website, and one of my friends who happen to be up immediately responded with some encouraging words, and I was able to have a good cathartic cry for about five minutes before Oliver came flying in. Anyways, it's kind of a new and interesting Way to feel connected to people, and I'm enjoying it.  It does make it harder for me to sit down and type stuff now. Especially since I've become accustomed to doing voice to text everything anyway.

The weather was really beautiful tonight, high of 75, and every other day for the next week and a half is going to be in the mid 90s. Anyway, I was having a hard time motivating myself to get outside, but after dinner we did make it out there. It seems like the whole neighborhood was out there, and no one seem to be worried about getting close to anyone else. No one was wearing mask either, which I wouldn't expect for a quick walk, but if you're going to stay on 2 feet away from your neighbor and chat… At least do that? Anyway, we went a different direction and Penny rode her scooter for a majority of the walk, and Oliver got in and out of the wagon. It was nice, to enjoy the pretty weather before it's going to get hot hot hot.

I got an email from my dad tonight saying that he was outside using his grabber tool to pick stuff up off the ground without having to bend over, and his neighbor came out and said hello and it startled him. He dropped his grabber tool, and when he bent down to pick it up, he screwed something up in his back. He said on a scale of 1 to 10, the pain is a nine, and he was just screaming most of the way back to the house using the grabber tool as a cane. I'm really worried about him, and again I fucking hate that he's out there by himself. I hope that he was able to take a muscle relaxer or something and get some sleep, but as the pain was that bad I really don't know. And I don't know what happens next because if he needs an x-ray he's not going to go in… And if you need pain pills I'm sure nobody's going to call in narcotics via A telemedicine appointments.

Everything is just felt so heavy this week. At first I thought it was hormones from my period, but that's over and I'm still not us. I know a large part of it is basically PTSD from the horrific experience I've had with my website so far, and I've carried that really heavy today. But everything just feels like a mess inside and outside of that, and Penny really wants to connect and be close and be entertained a lot of the time, and I just really want some space and some downtime and a break and I we can't both get what we need. And that makes things really hard some days. But overall I think she had a really good day today, and I hope that we can all enjoy our Sunday together. It was really nice that Richard didn't have to go into the office for very long today, and he was able to come home and take Oliver for his nap. He also was able to take Oliver for his nap yesterday, so it's like I actually got a weekend. I know part of the problem is I'm so freaking exhausted, and I should go to bed now, but my brain is just going going going and I can't sleep. So I think I'm gonna pick up the living room some, because being here all the time and then also being a mess is really hard for everybody.