Quarantine Journals - Covid Easter

It was raining this morning. Penny woke up disappointed because of the rain and not seeing any eggs, and she was convinced Easter was basically canceled. She cried for quite a while, but partially because I think she's just exhausted. We've been letting her stay up too late because we are way off schedule with everything because there is no schedule.

After I got up, we went out to hunt eggs, and then we came in to FaceTime my dad but he didn't answer. We ended up calling Amy and leaving her a video message, and then Jackie and Issam called from Amsterdam and we video chatted with them.

She was telling me It was raining this morning. Penny woke up disappointed because of the rain and not seeing any eggs, and she was convinced Easter was basically canceled. She cried for quite a while, but partially because I think she's just exhausted. We've been letting her stay up too late because we are way off schedule with everything because there is no schedule.

After I got up, we went out to hunt eggs, and then we came in to FaceTime my dad but he didn't answer. We ended up calling Amy and leaving her a video message, and then Jacquie and Issam called from Amsterdam and we video chatted with them.

She was telling me how They are under a "intellectual lockdown" and if people can't stay home and then they would be under a real lockdown but that it's been going very well and the spread has been minimal and slow.

Afterwards, I finally FaceTimed with my dad. He said hi to the kids, told everyone happy Easter, and then I went into the other room to speak privately.  He gave me all the information I need to know if he catches covid and dies. He almost cried twice—I have seen him cry maybe 5 times in my life.  These instructions included multiple actions that need to happen with stocks in May and in June. Instructions about how to execute the will and we discussed how to do so in a way that wouldn't cause strife between Brandon and I. He talked about the way that Brandon processes and handle his emotions, and his concerns about Brandon spending being a little too extravagant and not saving very much at all. We talked about stocks in accounts and passwords and where things can be found in areas to always check. The conversation went on for well over an hour, talking about my relationship with Brandon, talking about my dad's relationship with Brandon, and basically just telling me everything that I need to know up until this point about him and about Brandon about everything that's going on in anyone's life. It was basically the big conversation that you have when you think that there's not a lot of conversations left. I could tell He talked about the way that Brandon processes and handle his emotions, and his concerns about Brandon spending being a little too extravagant and not saving very much at all. We talked about stocks in accounts and passwords and where things can be found in areas to always check. The conversation went on for well over an hour, talking about my relationship with Brandon, talking about my dad's relationship with Brandon, and basically just telling me everything that I need to know up until this point about him and about Brandon about everything that's going on in anyone's life. It was basically the big conversation that you have when you think that there's not a lot of conversations left. I could tell He was about to cry on multiple occasions, and it was very painful and scary for him to be having this conversation. Which is new, because he usually talks about his death as if it's no big deal. It's always been rather alarming to me. I think the main reason he brought it all up was because he wanted to talk to me about how busy I am and whether or not I would feel better having someone else be the executor of the will. But I assured him that he is not a burden to me in life or in death and that I am available to do anything he needs me to do and either. And then I started crying and asked him why on earth we were having this conversation on FaceTime. I covered up the camera while I got a grip, and he laughed and offered to call me back on the phone if I need it needed to. His smile was so sweet and so accommodating I don't ever want to forget the look on his face. He told me not to cry, but it wasn't in the way that someone tells you to stop crying or to stop being silly or to stop being dramatic. He looked at the camera even though I covered it up with such love and adoration and kindness pouring out of him and I wish I could just soak it up forever.

And then, an hour later, I came out to see our other neighbors have a big Easter party. So. It must be nice to live in a parallel universe where you can do whatever the hell you want and not even give a second thought to the lives, safety, and well being of others.

Richard took Oliver for a nap, and Penny and I use the leftover egg dye to dye several place else that I had been hoarding for years. It was so much fun, and I hope it will be a new tradition for years to come. It was some much-needed mother-daughter time as well as some much-needed Art time and just a really fun outlet.

When Oliver was up, we went outside for the second egg hunt. It was about to start raining, but the weather was beautiful at the time. Probably about 85° and very windy though. We had homemade dairy free nice cream earlier in the afternoon, and then we went outside with the poppers that the kids had gotten for Easter and set them off on the deck. Oliver didn't wanna go back inside, so I stayed outside while he played in the dirt, and Richard and Penny went inside to do some picking up and start a movie. We watched trolls world tour the other night and really enjoyed it, so we watched it again tonight before our rental expired. Then it was off to bed, way too late again, for both the kids.

Easter itself was a really beautiful day, though I truly missed spending it with dad and Brandon. I think we video chatted with half the people we know today, Amy, Jackie and Issam, Dad, we sent a video to Brandon, we talked to Jan on the phone, and then we video chatted with Debbie and granddad.  

But, as you can imagine, there were some very high points and some very low, emotional points worrying about my dad and seeing how scared he is.  He is still not feeling well, feeling worse than he was yesterday. No fever, no cough, but a sore throat and a lot of drainage. Itchy eyes, and he felt like he had a fever.  I ended up calling him back on FaceTime after we hung up because I didn't get a chance to say what I had really wanted to say. I wanted him to see my face and hear me telling him in my voice that he's going to be OK. I told him I think this is just allergies, you were going to get through this. He said thank you, I think it's just allergies too, but I'm worried that it's going to develop into an infection, and then I'm going to have to go into the doctor and catch it there. I told him there's no reason for you to go into the doctor. Absolutely do not leave the house. If you're feeling bad enough that you think you need medical attention, call me and I will set you up with a Tele health appointment. There's no reason for you to go in and be seen for a sinus infection or for allergies when we can get something prescribed and picked up for you. I think that gave him some peace of mind. At least, I hope it did.

Up again at 2 AM because I just couldn't sleep. I felt super lonely, and it's always in the middle of the night that I missed calling my mom and hearing her voice before bed. Tonight Tonight, Aimee was awake, and I called her to talk. We spent about an hour on the phone just talking about everything that's going on, talking about my dad, talking about my brother… It was really refreshing to have an extended adult conversation without any interruptions and just hear a friendly kind voice before bed.