Quarantine Journals - World on Fire

Honestly can't remember if I mentioned George Floyd already. A man he was flagged by a store clerk for paying with a potentially counterfeit $20 bill, was detained by an officer who kneeled on George's neck for eight minutes and 45 seconds until he lost consciousness and died. During this period of time, George was pleading for his life, declaring that he could not breathe, and asking bystanders to help. The bystanders were begging the police officer to get off of Georgia snack, but he did not. Ever since then, the world has been on fire. The officer was not immediately arrested, and the other three officers that stand by and allow this to happen have still not been arrested. Two days ago, protest started around the nation, and they were quickly followed by riots.  Many of the riots were instigated by either groups that were not associated with the protest, many of which were white supremacists, and police officers who were taking brutal force against protesters with no cost. All of which is caught on tape and has been circling the Internet.  It has been a dark, depressing time. I've had many talks with Penny about what's going on, and I sat down to cry on several occasions. I wish that I could stand with the protesters, but my concern about coronavirus keeps me at home. And the violence that keeps irrupt thing is enough to scare many people away from the protest. Which is possibly one of their many goals. The president is also posting all sorts of racist things, which just adds fuel to the fire.

I admire those who are out protesting, taking a knee, carrying signs and demanding justice for George Floyd, but I also carry much concern for many of the protesters are not even wearing masks, and I'm afraid that much illness in many lives will be taken for the pandemic due to social injustice.

Penny said to me today "I am really proud of all of these people who are standing up, but I am also very worried that some of them are going to get sick, and some of them might even die, because the virus is still out there, and many people are not even wearing masks."

My nighttime anxiety is at an all-time high, and tonight I feel practically electric with dread and worry.

The garden is coming along nicely, and yesterday we set up the kids pool. Richard mistakenly used playground sand in the sand filter instead of pool sand, so the pool was out of commission for today. But both the kids had a great time playing in it two days ago when he was setting it up, and swimming in it yesterday.  they absolutely loved the water, and we're having lots of fun even though I'm sure it was freezing. We have pool sand supposedly being delivered tomorrow, and hopefully we can get it up and running again soon.

We have our first baby tomato on our indoor cherry tomato plants, and our first flower on the strawberry plant outside. The tomatoes outside are also flowering, and the peppers are starting to fluff back up. The baby peppers were eaten by something, so I'm transplanting my extras out there now. The sweet potatoes and potatoes seem to be doing great. We're getting a couple of hydroponic totes ready to grow pickling cucumbers and watermelon.

Penny helped me bake Oliver's birthday cake today, and I will make some Gnash later this week and then start decorating it over the weekend.

Penni helped me bake Oliver's birthday cake today, and I will make some goulash later this week and then start decorating it over the weekend.

My dad mentioned in a video chat yesterday that we could come out there if we have been social distancing for over 14 days. He then sent a follow up email suggesting that we come and stay for several days as a summer vacation. I am both relieved and anxious at the situation.  While I want nothing more than to see him, his health will always be my upmost priority, and I still worry about getting him sick via Richard's office visits on Saturday. In addition to that, I don't know how we could accommodate a stay longer than a day when Richard is currently working six days a week. And on top of all of that, I have to worry about being able to provide multiple meals to both of the kids and ourselves without worrying about cross-contamination from all the eggs that my dad eats. It is nerve-racking, now is not the time that I want to have to worry about going to the doctor because my kid is going anaphylactic.  It's a lot to suddenly think about, especially when it was all off the table before now. I assumed he wouldn't want us out there, and my worry kept me from even going out there with my own mask going to talk to him. There's no way that I can get all of her to keep a mask on if we go out there, so were either going to be all the way in it or not. I guess I'm going to have to keep thinking about it and decide what to do. It doesn't help that allergies are terrible, and everyone is intermittently coughing and sneezing right now.

I'm still talking regularly video Marco Polo with my friend Rachel. It's a relief because it seems to be the only other adult conversation I have many days. 

Typically, when Oliver goes to bed someone has to stay with him. And since he's been sleeping with Richard, Richard goes to bed with him and then I'm left to stay up and do whatever I need to do until 2 AM in the morning when I can finally sleep. But, thought enjoy the silence and peace immensely, an hour or two into it, things get very lonely.  Last night, Richard came out to use the bathroom, and instead of going straight back in, he came and sat with me in the living room. We talked for a long while, cuddled on the couch, about the state of our nation and everything that was going on. We discussed George Floyd, and the protest, and our worries about the kids, and depression, and wanting to go out to see my dad etc. It was a much needed, uninterrupted, adult conversation. But, I still got to bed quite late, and I'm still up again tonight.

And on that note, I'm off to bed.