Quarantine Journals - Dad Visit & Home Again

We went out to my dad's house this weekend. It was a long, stressful decision to merge our bubbles, but he hasn't left the house in the last 3 months and neither have the kids or I. Richard goes into an empty office on Saturdays to avoid contact. I felt like we were as low risk as we would be able to without Richard fully being without a job. I wasn't going to ask my dad and make him feel the pressure of deciding on the risk of a visit... he has enough health issues. But when he invited us, I knew it was time.

So we packed up and went out there for the night.  When I saw him, I cried. We hugged tight for a long time, so mutual that I know he felt the same fears I have for the last few months. The kids were besides themselves. We fixed him yummy food and brought groceries and treats. 

We left tonight. The entire day had been emotional. Penny sobbed that she didn't want to leave and that she missed her friends. I cried quietly in the bedroom because I didn't want to leave either. This is the week my mom died, so there is another sharp level to every emotion, every goodbye.  But we topped everything with a dose of trauma that has me feeling both terrified still and also proud of my daughter. 

Penny and Richard like to play this game in the pool where Richard lays on the bottom of the shallow end and penny stand on him and balanced until she finally falls or jumps. They were playing this game while Oliver was on the steps and I was inside gathering things.  Oliver slipped off the step. He got tangled in the pool cleaner cord and fell.  When Penny came up, she saw him struggling and swam to him. She stood on the bottom of the pool, fully submerged, and held Oliver above the water, while she waited for help. The visual as he describes it makes me sick to my stomach. But I'm also so fucking proud of her that I can't contain it. Oliver is traumatized, but he did stay in the pool and continue to play for another 45 minutes or so. I hope we will be able to work through it.

Got home two hours ago and just finally got the kids in bed. I miss my dad. And I'm still terrified that we might get him sick, even though I know it would be highly unlikely. I felt terrible leaving him in that big empty house again. Penny cried for half of the ride home, and now I guess it's my turn to have all the feels.

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