Quarantine Journals - Turn around

Honestly, I woke up having kind of a rough day. I'm on my period and miserable with cramps, and I guess I'm out of the wearable heat pads I usually use to make it through the day. Richard went to work, and I noticed that there was a thread in the Weatherford group talking about how they went forward with the rodeo this week. Hundreds of people gathered in a tight space, very few of them wearing masks, and Judge Pat Dean saying that he saw no reason to reschedule it because there were obvious ways that everybody could practice being safe. So it's going on all week. And the comments were just disgusting. So many people talking about how it's a hoax, or how the mask making more sick, or how they are showing the world what a "true American" really looks like. The next thing I knew, I was in the kitchen crying. I could just feel the emotions brimming over. I wanted to call and talk to somebody, but I have nobody to call and talk to you, so I just stood in here and cried for a little bit while the kids were playing.

Penny had put on the schedule that she wanted to paint today but I just didn't have it in me to set that all up and monitor it and clean it up. So I suggested that they play with the bubble tent instead. I went and hosed off the box fan and brought it inside, my brief stent in the 100° weather we are having. The heat index was already up to 112, so I had to say no to Oliver who is begging to go outside. Once I had hosed off the fan, I brought it in and got them set up with their tents, and they had fun playing in that for a little while. I had some breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen a little bit, and then they were starting to get restless. Oliver said he was hungry, and I suggested that they eat in the bubble tent. They both got super excited about that.

So, I got all of their food stuff together, and then I invited them to enjoy an afternoon at the Bubble Tent Cafe.  I told them that before we went to their table, I would take their order. I showed them what I had on their plates already, and then I let them choose between sweet potato crackers and P chips. They each selected one of the two, and then I allowed them to select their dessert, which was Scooby snacks or Eminem's. Penny asked if we had marshmallows, and I told her that we only offered marshmallows in a Eminem and Marshmello Max and I was afraid the kitchen could not separate them. She laughed with glee, and I told him to have a seat at the table and I would bring the food over shortly. So they both grab the water bottles and ran inside a bubble tent where Penny had spread out a picnic blanket.

For the duration of lunch, I address them both as ma'am and sir, and did my best to accommodate any of their request. I slither plates underneath the bubble tans, and then I brought them over a candle, and turned off the lights. I put an LED string of Christmas lights over the top of the bubble tent so they could see the stars. When they needed more strawberries, I was happy to bounce back to the kitchen and get them. When they ask for more M&Ms I told him I thought the kitchen was closed, but then I came back in and got them some more.  I brought the nice cloth napkins for them to use, and checked in frequently, playing all sorts of games with Oliver, and he would frequently stand up and give me a kiss through the net window on the bubble tent.

Once they were happily eating and all request had been met, I asked him if I could join them for lunch, and climbed inside of the bubble tent. We took some pictures that Penny asked me to send to her dad, which I did, and then we continued to visit and she introduced me to her and her family. Oliver got kind of restless and was going in and out of the bubble tent, and I had to get in and out a couple of times to get them more strawberries. But overall, they had a really fun time. And while I was cleaning up the plates, Penny went and set up the Christmas lights in the bedroom on the bookshelf, and said that her waitress Had sent a letter thanking them for dining there and left them a surprise in the bedroom. When it was time for all of her to lay down for his nap, she turned them off, and when it was time for Oliver to wake up, she turned them on.

Oliver took a late nap again and woke up quite grumpy. But the new throw pillows that I had ordered arrived, and while the kids were playing with them, I snuck out the back door to go turn my car on and drive it around the block so the battery doesn't die. As I wrote in another post, I realized it was the first time in four months that I had either driven or been alone. And I was hoping to enjoy it for a good 20 minutes or so, but Richard texted me that the kids were screaming and he was about to turn the TV on, so I turned around and came home. Both of the kids really needed some activity in connection, not screen time. That is a subject of consternation between the two of us. And when I pointed out that I don't only been gone for 10 minutes and I didn't understand why he needed the TV, he just said that he was trying to fix dinner, and the kids were screaming. I was a little bit frustrated that I couldn't even have nine minutes to myself without needing to come back here and help him manage the kids. Somehow, I managed to feed them without having to turn on the TV. Matter of fact, I don't think I've sat them down in front of a TV show or a movie since this all started with the exception of perhaps one or two days. Pretty much, we are always playing an active. And it frustrates me that every time he has them, the TV is on.

Anyway. for dinner, Richard made enchiladas, and Penny said that she wanted to go around the table and say two things that we liked about each person there. So we went around talking about each other person at the table and traits were things that they had done that we appreciate it, and when it was penni's turn she said that she liked all of her because he was kind and confident, and she likes Richard because he played video games with her and was helping her learn how to cook, and then she turned to me and said you like to sleep and eat. That probably shouldn't have hit me as hard as it did, but I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I was having a horrible day, and I did everything I could to lift them up when I was feeling low, and the only thing that resonated with her was the fact that I'd like to eat and sleep. These are hard moments for a mom who is never off duty and always, always thinking about how she can make every day great for her kids.

I pouted about it for a bit, and Richard kept telling me you know she didn't mean it, but it didn't matter… I was having my feelings. After dinner we decided to play some more just dance, but first I had to help her brush her teeth because she's been struggling to get her bottom teeth clean. When I was brushing her teeth, one of her bottom teeth were just wiggling all over the place. It was so very loose that I felt like I could just reach in and pluck it out if I didn't have dental PTSD. So I jokingly cried "this tooth is barely holding on, you need to pop it out of there!" She smiled and wiggled it for a second, telling me that the gums were still holding on, but I told her that I could see that too is going every which way, and I couldn't imagine that it wasn't ready to come out. So she stood there for about a second wiggling it and then laughed and yelled "I did it!" The tooth was out, and she put some Kleenex in her mouth for a few minutes, and then celebrated by retelling the experience to Richard. He had been in the bathroom. She was very proud of herself, and I was proud of her too. The new tooth was already trying to come in, and I'm glad I don't have a space to go into now. I know that's what they were always worried about with me, and one big source of all of that anxiety was how much pressure they always put on me to get the old tooth out. But this was ridiculously loose to the point that I didn't even see how it could possibly still be connected.

After we did some dancing, she asked to lay down with Richard, so I stayed out and did some more dancing with Oliver, and then we played with Legos. He had a full evening of connection and activity, and he was ready for bed early, but Daddy was not, so he still went to bed a bit late.  I hope when you were reading this back that it doesn't sound too Judgey. Richard is doing an amazing job of keeping up with everything. He fixes 90% of the meals, takes care of the kids in the morning so that I can sleep in a little bit, and is very helpful throughout the day when we hit crisis points that could use an extra pair of hands. 

I don't mean to sound bitchy, but every parenting team has their subjects of disagreement, and I think it's probably clear where ours lie. It doesn't mean that we don't make a great team, or that I think any less of him. I can't imagine doing this with anyone else, and he is an outstanding father.