Quarantine Journals — Work drama escalates

So last Wednesday, Richard went into work.  I thought I would be freaking out all day, but honestly, it was so much easier to not have to worry about him trying to work all day.  It felt both normal and disorienting.  I was thinking about him and worrying about covid, but I was also just so relieved to not have to shush Oliver or worry about what he was doing every 15 seconds.  We listened to music, we made cookies, the kids got to run around the house and play as loud as they wanted.  It was NICE and I did not realize how STRESSED OUT I am on a daily basis trying to accommodate EVERYONE until I didn't have to worry about accommodating so much.

Penny made signs to help Richard remember what he needed to do when he got home.  He took his shoes off outside and put his clothes in the washing machine.  Later that evening he mentioned that he had told Eric he didn't want to see his face without a mask on, so he didn't see Eric all day.  Which made me wonder... does that mean Eric isn't wearing a mask at all?  He also mentioned Luis coming through the office with a mask on and waving, which kind of started a thing.  Because he had told me no one else would be in the office, but he also told me that he would keep his door closed at all times.  When I asked why his door was open, he got defensive and said that he had forgotten to close it once after using the bathroom.  It was tense that evening but we worked through it, talked about how much it means to show remorse and talk about mistakes instead of getting super defensive. 

The next morning, I felt all the feels I had escaped the day before.  I was borderline meltdown all morning, totally panicked and barely holding it together.  And then Debbie called Richard and told him that he needed to be coming into the office full time.  She said things like "Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" And made fun of him when he said his mask had hurt his nose. She told him he was a coward and nothing he was doing was keeping his family any safer.  It went on and on, not even 24 hours after he had gone into the office for the first time in 8 months.  And it's been pretty non-stop since. She calls every day, sends texts, berating him and demanding that he come in.  Says things like "You are making me act like this because you won't work hard if I don't."   

She was quiet on Friday, to a certain degree, and we were barely able to enjoy RIchard's first weekend home in 8 months because we were both so depressed and anxious.  But, we did our best, getting outside a lot, cleaning up, playing video games, watching movies etc... we just tried to have fun, eat nice food, and enjoy each other's company.

Monday morning, 11AM, Debbie calls and starts in again.  Tells him he has to come in, staying here is stupid.  We are terrifying the children.  He isn't doing his job and costing her millions.  Even accused him of coming into the office last week un-showered with wrinkled, unprofessional clothing.  He was so upset.  And all I could do is put my hand on his shoulder and stand with him a moment before I walked into the bedroom and sobbed.

I cried and cried.  I texted the therapist I have seen a couple of times.  I was suppose to have had a video call, but it was canceled, and so Oliver was on his ipad and I just used the escape to cry.

I sent Richard a couple of messages about it, including reminding him of a conversation we had had last week.

What if you go in one day and she immediately asks you to start coming in two?

-I'll tell her NO.

I pointed out that he went in one day and she immediately turned around and starting asking for 5.  

It was radio silence between us as we fought to get through the day.  I wrote an email I thought he could send her, but figured he wouldn't feel comfortable doing it.  I sent him a message reminding him I had therapy and that Heather was fine with him coming along and we just went together.  I fixed the kids food, turned on a movie, and we went to chat with her in the bedroom.

It actually went quite well, I thought. She had lots of suggestions for how to approach and deal with Debbie.  How to get a foothold in the conversation.  How to shut down inappropriate comments about our family or escape a conversation that was getting heated.  She talked about his value to the company and encouraged him to talk to her from a place of reason about what he is and isn't willing to do right now.  He seemed like he liked her, and I hope maybe he took away something positive from the experience. 

We both felt light and slightly human after the conversation. I played and laughed with the kids, he made giant salads, we all watched a game show while we ate dinner.  He smiled and seemed to stand a little straighter. I have anxiety knowing that Debbie will destroy all this in one fell swoop tomorrow morning, but I also have hope that somehow, we can get through this together.  And also hope that insurance will start covering some of this therapy so I can afford to keep doing it.  I feel like it's holding me up at this point... I wish I could it twice a week until I feel human again.

Covid cases are going up up up up up.  Texas is a hot spot.  A huge case surge is already happening and hospitals are filling up. Paper towels and toilet paper are hard to find locally but available online sometimes. I am scared. I think it is going to get really scary soon.  Maybe it already is. 

Penny was really upset to realize we won't be seeing my dad for Thanksgiving.  Much more upset than I had anticipated.  I share her devastation.  This is will be my first Thanksgiving without my dad in my entire life.  I hate this. I hate how Debbie is treating my family and it is so shocking to be coming from family.  Her disdain for me is so obvious. And that is heartbreaking in and of itself.

Now, some happier pictures.