Quarantine Journals - Alcohol

Richard came home and I happened to catch him in the garage with a paper bag in his hand. I thought maybe it was flowers or something, but he didn't bring it in. I asked him what it was and he said nothing. So I asked again and he said it was alcohol. 

You went into the liquor store?

Yeah but I wore a mask.

You didn't think maybe we should have talked about you going into a store during a pandemic first? 

I left because I could feel myself getting extremely angry and hurt. He followed me and asked if we could talk and I said that I was upset and needed a minute. He kept talking and I said this was a huge violation of trust and I don't know how to even process that you did it for a bottle of alcohol. He sat down on the kid's step stool and started crying.  He said I'm an alcoholic, Tania. I said, what?  He said, I have a drinking problem and I need help.  

So today was the day I found out that Richard has been drinking heavily for the last several years.  Only in the evenings, here at home, never driving, but obviously still a lot to process.  I immediately texted/called the therapist and she made space for us in her evening.  She helped us talk through it, but I'm still in shock.  I know he took a huge step today, but I just have a lot to process right now.